I feel sick

I am the world's most unorganised person. I don't hide that fact. My head is always in the clouds and I lay things down and not have any idea where I've put them. I can never find my wallet or my keys and I KNOW I'll have to search for them before I go anywhere.

The killer though is when you are certain, certain beyond a doubt, where something is only to find it is not there. In setting up my office (tomorrow is my big reveal day) I went looking for my sketch books and I cannot find two of my most precious ones. I've had them recently. I LOVE them so much. They've been with me for years and now they are gone. I've looked in every closet. In every cupboard (including the kitchen). In our book shelves to no avail. I was sure SURE they were with my other art supplies but no. I feel like a part of me is missing (and I'm not even an artist). There filled with doodles of pregnant bellies and women's bodies and cute little babies (I was obsessed with birth long before I became a doula or had kids of my own). Filled with dragons and faeries and pain and joy and now they are gone.

I'm feeling pretty unsettled this evening...